It continues to shock me how many relationsships and marriages there are out there, where the passion is more or less gone. For some reason, after I got divorced, people tell me their marital problems quicker than before, sometimes out of the blue. Friends, colleagues, even family. And it -amazes- me how many times I’ve heard the same song, from typically men though sometimes a woman, too;
‘We never have sex.’ ‘Well, what is never to you?’
The answer typically ranges from anywhere to every once or twice a month to ‘it’s been years, since we last were together…’
It is a -mystery- to me!
How can you not want to feel your man close to you? How can you not need to smell the absolutely -divine- scent that radiates off any man, who’s good friends with a shower?
How can you not want and -need- to get to that blissful stage, where you seize to be a spouse, girlfriend, mother, daughter, friend, employee, housewife and all the other roles we have to fill every day, and are reduced to just being a -woman-, in the hands of a man? Where all the layers of professionalism, inhibitions and emotional walls are shot down, and you’re fueled only by passion & lust, and where instinct takes over?
I honestly believe that sex is the strongest factor in the equation that keeps two people together. It is most certaintly not the only one, cause obviously you need to actually love each other, but I am 100% certain, that if you never have sex – the love will die.
People might stay together – but it’ll end up being like living with a roommate.
It is scientifically proven that having sex release a hormone, oxytocin, which makes you want to bond, to mate and to hold on to each other. The more you touch, the more oxytocin you release, and when the level of oxytocin reaches its climax, you cum. And fun fact of the day; Women are more sensitive to that hormone, more strongly affected by it, thus making women more likely to feel attached to the man after sex, than vice versa.
-Not- having sex on the other hand, is the bulletproof way to making sure the intimacy will slip and you’ll slowly grow apart. The part who is more sexually driven, typically the man, will get more and more frustrated, resulting in a man who’s more likely to stray. Which, I for one, honestly don’t even think is something women should feel appalled and disgusted by.
‘You had sex with another woman?!? *gasp*’
‘… Yup. You haven’t been interested in sex with me for -four- years, what the fuck do you expect? Have you ever heard of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs? No? Google it, woman!’
I’m not saying I believe men (or the women out there, who’s the frustrated part of the couple) have a freepass to go out and cheat and cheat and cheat, until they can’t walk straight. But if you haven’t been close to another person for a long time, I sincerely understand that even the best can slip. It -is- however something people should use constructively to look at the relationsship and find out why they were able to give in to temptation outside of the relationsship. Nor am I saying I’d accept adultery, by the way. At -all-. It’s my ultimate dealbreaker, a kiss outside of the relationsship is enough cheating for me, and will result in me out the door very rapidly.
-Not- having sex creates a distance that grows and grows, and you end up as strangers, where even a hug seems awkward.
Hence – the brilliant invention of dutysex!
There -are- a lot of things to keep track of, jobs, kids, housewifing, cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping – and sometimes when the list adds up and you’re stressed, sex winds up somewhere down the list. It’s how it is in the real world, where you have obligations, to-do lists, chores to do and too little time, but it is -why- you need to have dutysex.
1) It is -always- great, once you are -litterally- 5 seconds into it. Maybe even 3.
2) You -always- feel better after. Less stressed, more physically relaxed, closer to your partner.
Women (yes, I’m judgmental here, it -can- also be the odd beta here and there, who wont put out 😉 ) just need to get the fuck out of their heads, and stop making mental to-do lists as their man are going down on them. Feel, smell, touch, bite, just surrender to the moment damnit, instead of keeping up the good-girl attitude, which, frankly, never did anyone any good in bed.
And that was my two cents on sex in a relationsship. Was a long two cents. 😉