Just a quick entry from me. Ex met someone new. Apparently, she’s in the middle of a divorce (happened before she met my ex), really likes him, but is in her head a lot, which is quite understandable.
He’s really into her.
I know who she is. She’s not a friend of mine, but we both met her before or during our divorce. She’s really nice and good with kids.
Anyway, he sort of told me the other night, and it was clear he needed to talk about it. Unload a bit. He’s in love with her, and she says that some days she needs to pull back a bit and be herself and deal with all the decisions, but that she can’t deny the feelings she has for him.
And he was like a teenage girl in love. Overanalyzing. He wanted it so bad and some days he felt okay with her not being able to be there all the time, and other days he went nuts over it and needed to tell her a thousand times how he felt. (Yup… I know.)
I sat down with him, and explained to him, that he -needed- to give her the time and space she wanted. That he -needed- to not be needy. To not be available to her 24/7. And that the only shot he had was to play the game and not smother her.
‘Women doesn’t want a man who grovels in front of her and who pants after her. Women want an Alpha.’
‘I -know-, but it’s just so hard! It’s hard to play the game when you’re in so deep. I don’t know when I’m coming on too strong or when I’m too passive…’
I explained to him where I am at. I would love to meet someone who could be my rock. Pick me up, when I fell. Come over and spoon me and hold me and be strong for -me-, when I’ve been strong for everyone else all week. But I also know, that if he put the relationsship label on it too soon, I’d run a mile. Not because I fuck around, cause I sure as hell don’t. I wouldn’t even date more than one at a time, like I know is common in the States. I’m a one mans girl only, but -wording- it too soon… It’d be the same as a man saying on the second date,
‘Oh, I’m into scat. You cool with that, right?’
Anyway, I was -so- tempted to tell him to google ‘The Manosphere’. So, so tempted. But I didn’t. The thought of him finding my blog and recognizing his lapdog self, made me unable to.
I did tell him to make sure to not contact her all the time. To let her come to him. To not finish every text convo with him sending the last text. To try to keep the upper hand and not be too available. That when he had a meltdown, he could send her one text as opposed to eight, and then call me and let me talk him down, so he didn’t go batshit needy in her inbox. That there was no guarantees in love, but if he wanted her, he’d have to make peace with having to give her time, and that if he pushed her and smothered her – he could be damn sure, he’d lose. That women wanted a man who was strong, calm, confident – not desperate or too keen. And that giving her time wasn’t being desperate, because there was a difference between being needy and desperate for confirmation every three days and being confident enough to give her the space that she needs, just taking it slowly, one day at a time.
I am -not- an expert in Red Pill. I’m the greenest of beginners. But I know what would scare -me- away.
Oh, and I could have all this conversation without even once feeling a sting of jealousy or sadness that this was once my husband, and now a friend I give loveadvice to.
(… *whispers* Between you and me, though? When I found out the very first time that he had something going on with this nice woman (weeks before he actually told me), I thought ‘Oh my effing God, what if I end up some old crazy catlady, alone and weird?’ … and dismissed it after all of 5 seconds. 😉 )
Take care out there in the cold, people.