The price of having children with a beta.

I’m not here much recently. As I’ve written in the comment section somewhere, I briefly thought about shutting down the site, because I just don’t have the time or the material to write daily or close to it, but I’d rather leave it here, and come back when I have the energy again and something on my heart.

Anyway…

Men: Don’t be betas. If you’re a spineless pleaser, then work on it and toughen the f*ck up, before you have kids.

Women: Don’t have kids with a beta in disguise. I didn’t know what signs to look for, but in hindsight, I see them. The not liking confrontations. The relationsship he has with his mother, whom he was very close to, in a her-controlling-everything-kinda-way. He didnt like saying ‘no’ to people. He always tried to make everyone happy.

I wasn’t old enough, experienced enough to know what an utter and complete beta he was underneath the masculine exterior – cause he really is not the prototype of a wallflower, he’s tall, really good looking, wide shoulders, stubble – all the things, that has always made my knees weak.

Having kids with this undercover beta made things hard in the long run, but I wouldn’t change it in a million years. I was blessed with two little heartbreakers from my marriage with my exhusband. I love them to the core of me, and every day I strive to be the best mother I can be, and to guide them in the best way I can. Just writing this chokes me up, the love you bear for your offspring is so strong, it’s almost scary.

But oh, how I was I could have had the exact same two, little boys with a man who had had more spine. My biggest, who’s almost 5, is throwing tantrums lately to an extend that is totally unreasonable. I’ve always been able to control them – of course, they’re boys, they’re wild, and that’s okay. I’m not aiming at making them little robots, who does exactly what their mom says, but this degree of tantrums is hard.

And it’s even more hard, when my spineless asshole of an ex does -nothing- to change, to get better at disciplining the kids. After we had kids, it was -always- me who had to be the parent, be the one who punished them. Always me who had to be tough and be the bad cop, and him who ran to them every time they scraped a knee and didnt even wince themselves. He would run to them, afraid they had crippled themselves. And seeing the man I was with, so completely with -no- balls, always leaving me to be the sole parent, just killed the respect I had in him as a man and as a father.

He loves them to death and spoils them rotten, and he’d go through fire for them. But doing actual parenting is left for me to do.

I do it. Of course I do, I wouldnt dream of anything else.

But in my attempt to do it all, my full time career job (which I need to keep to make ends meet, it sure as hell is hard enough -with- this job), to keep the house and garden on my own, in my attempt to the best parent I can be -and- at the same time trying to grow just a little spine in my ex and make him incooperate just a little disciplining in his life with our kids, so he doesn’t ruin the kids completely and make little brats of them … I just get tired.

Not all days or weeks are like this, not even close. This week has been particularly hard, but I’d still make the same decision about getting the divorce. He makes me someone I dont want to be, because he just pisses me off so much when I’m around him for more than a few hours at at time. And when I get angry, I get angry with -him- and him not growing a pair, I dont get angry with the world or men in general.

I dont wake up pissy in the morning, I’m not bitter, I’m just tired inside my head sometimes. That’s honestly the best words to describe it. And when I’m tired inside my head, I just dont have much on my heart to post here, and I’d rather post when I mean it, than out of politeness.

Anyway, the weird thing is though, that in theory I would think doing it all myself would make me ‘harder’, more feisty. But it hasn’t. It’s made me softer, much less guarded and even more feminine and anti-feministic. My wonderful friend who knows me extremely well, believes it’s because I dont live with an aspect that angers me every day, leaving me more … -Me-, not short fused all the time. And I think she’s right.

Anyway, this was my two cents. End of rant. Happy easter, guys.

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17 Responses to The price of having children with a beta.

  1. Steven Bennett says:

    You *must* get this! I’m dead serious. Here’s hope and there’s no other way to tell it to you than straight up — get this!! http://www.123magic.com/ (Consider me your alpha Easter Bunny. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • Haha, a site called 123magic.com is bound to leave me sceptic, but I’ll check it out later. Thanks.

    • Ooooh, parenting aid – will def check it out!

      I’m not at all interested in taking my kids away from him, as I’m not out to punish him or traumatizing my boys, but in order for him to become a -parent- and to gain a nicer, less stressful daily life with his kids (cause it’s mayhem when they’re with, as it’s them who make the decisions…) I’ve contacted some people who does 1 on 1 help. They come out into the home, observe and work as a family guidance thing. And my ex is collaberating with me on it 110%, thankfully. He knows the kids don’t respect him and he -wants- to change his ways, but he just doesnt -do- anything to change it. He doesnt seek info or change his behavioral pattern (spellcheck?) towards the kids, he just keeps doing what he has always done. So we’re gonna do this together as a family, that just lives in two homes rather than one.

      Still though, I wish he had the drive to -do- something himself about it, but seeing as he doesnt have that drive, we’re doing it together. I’m not perfect either, I’ll learn something as well. ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Mik says:

        “He knows the kids donโ€™t respect him and he -wants- to change his ways, but he just doesnt -do- anything to change it. He doesnt seek info or change his behavioral pattern (spellcheck?) towards the kids, he just keeps doing what he has always done.”

        If you don’t mind me asking, have you ever told him that if he keeps on like this, your boys are just gonna grow up to resent and disrespect him even more?

      • Yup. I’ve asked him how he expects we’ll be able to control them, when they get big enough to physically out league us and they’re faced with decisions on alcohol, drugs and so on.

        Maybe I should ask him, if he want them to grow up and look back on their father, knowing he was spineless and completely without control of them.

  2. darlingdoll says:

    I sincerely hope that you don’t shut down your blog. I think it is fine to just post when you can. Look at how many awesome blogs there are whose authors only post a once or twice a month. Plus I love your blog!

  3. Mik says:

    “There’s nothing that disgusts a woman more than weakness in a man. She will forgive everything but that.”

    The good thing is, unlike a lot of other single mothers, at the very least you know where you stand. Quite a number of men who were raised by single mums usually turn out beta or messed up(mummy/daddy issues) in some way. But it certainly seems like you understand the situation you’re in and how to deal with it.

    It’s more of a, “This is hard, but i’ll pull through.” Anyways, situations like this is another reason to keep the blog running, even of it doesnt mean regular updates. The blog becomes a pressure valve, lets the steam off.

    Best Wishes,

    Irfan.

    • I am aware of not over pampering them, and also letting them play boyish games, be ‘violent’ in their play, do the whole sword/pistol/bow and arrow thing. And my brother’s in the navy and is very masculine, and he spend’s time with the and they just adore him.

      And yes, we will pull through, course we will. Plus, when we (hopefully) at some point will be two adults in my little household, the addition of wont be a pussy excuse of a man. It’ll be someone they can mirror themselves in and who can show them how the interaction between men and women should be.

      • Mik says:

        Thats wonderful to hear. To an extent i can somewhat relate to your kids. My dad is probably as Alpha as they come, bt he he just went missing at a critical stage of me and my sister’s life. Mum had to pick up the slack. Dad has been back for over 12 years now. He was a great father frm the moment he came back bt it still took me a long time to respect him again.

        It also helped that while he was away, i had four uncles to look up to. That really helped A LOT.

        So its really good to know that your kids have an uncle they can look up to(think i read about him in a previous post of yours). He’s probably more important than they realize. I sincerely wish the best for you and your kids ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Thank you. Means a lot to know there’s people out there who relate and send good wishes our way.

      • Mik says:

        “Itโ€™ll be someone they can mirror themselves in and who can show them how the interaction between men and women should be.”

        Just imagine what the world would be like if everyone were better parents?

        One of the keys to human advancement, peace and what not is good Parenting. So many things start from home.

        Mama always told me that when you raise children, you’re not just raising them for yourself or themselves, but its for the world too.

        Will the child grow up to be a menace to society or its saviour?

      • Exactly. You try to mould them into grown up’s who will believe in themselves, be compassionate and have the courage to take on the world.

  4. Deep Strength says:

    Have a friend buy him MMSL for Christmas…?

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