Mission: Unscramble brain.

… Preferrably a big one.

As I wrote earlier on, I was headhunted for a new job. It’s the daughter Company of a bigger Company, and we’re located in the mother Companys huge Buildings. (Also, my laptop started autocorrecting stuff I write, like with Capital letters here and there, no idea why, I do apologise, Guys.)

There’s 2 other ppl in the daughter Company. One salesman, one backoffice. I’m 50/50. The salesman and I come from the same industry, but we’re -miles- apart as persons and salestypes.

He’s the kinda salesperson you saw in the 80’s. Big and loud, crude comments. I litterally heard him say to a client he called – and -isn’t even working- with now, but want as a client, ‘Hey dickwad! What’s up?!’ Oh yes. Really. I was mortified. When I heard that yesterday, I thought to myself; ‘If this is the kind of salesperson they think I am, they’re gravely mistaken’. And the Whole change, being new, having to deal with his shit (and no, I’m not at all faint of Heart, but being new is so different, that it makes my skin thinner) and mostly, wondering if they think I’m the same kinda salesperson as him … I just freaked. Litterally. I don’t know what happened, but I sat at my desk feeling the panic spreading, thinking ‘You made a huge mistake, jumping ship. Can you undo this? Do you -want- to undo this? How much can you live with, for Money?’

Needless to say, a 25% payraise, taxfree mileage Money plus bonus, makes a huge, huge difference for a single mother. It’s going to give my boys and I possibilities I haven’t had since I left my ex. Money isn’t everything, but I’m not a quitter either, and I’m not gonna run off with my tail between my legs after 2 days. But when I left my desk yesterday and went home, I litterally cried in the car on the way home. Huge knot in my stomach, no appetite, feeling kinda lost.

I was at my old job for almost 7 years. That’s a long time, when you’re only 30. I was the one who’d been in the department for the longest, the one people came and asked. And so being new Again, is extremely weird and leaves a feeling of being lost.

Right, well last night after a while, I sort of came to some Peace of mind. I found some sense of calmness, knowing I just had to do my best. I know I’m really good at what I do. And I know my CEO and CFO (it’s the CFO that’s my boss), is NOT the loud, primitive types.

Also, it turns out he’s been away on sickleave. First from stress, cause his wife wanted to leave him (but didnt in the end), then he was off for four weeks from a Heart condition. He only started back monday last week. I was hired when he was gone from the Company.

Then this morning, I was sitting with the backoffice woman, getting taught some of the IT system. He walks in, goes ‘Wanna know why you two are hens? … Big asses, small brains. Hahahahahaha!’ Oh yes, quite the charmer, eh? 😉 And he also found the need to tell me there had been another one hired out there who didn’t perform, didn’t bring results, and he said to me, ‘I told him, ‘I’m your boss and I have to fire you.’, and Inside (insert my real name), it’s not a threat of anything, but that of course goes for you as well’.

He’s not my boss. The CFO is. ObnoxiousSalesman has the exact same title as me. I have experience on a higher level than him, from a more prestigious Company, than what he comes from.

And you know what? I think he feels threatened by me. On the bottom of his obnoxious, brash exterior, he’s fucking afraid I’ll do better than him.

This morning, when he laid that subtle threat on me, I kept my cool, smiled, and said; ‘Oh, I know. And I will deliver results. But I’ll get them in my own manner.’ Him: ‘Of course, I’m sure you will!’

So, I had a meeting after lunch today. A client I worked with a year ago. It’s a big Company, they use a lot of Money on the consulting industry I Work in. I came in, sat Down, told him why I was there, and was introduced to the man in charge now – my guy had moved chairs in the last years time. Before I left, the three of us had shaken hands that they’re coming over to me Again, launching after the summer Holiday.

THe other guy ObnoxiousSalesman spoke about having fired, hadn’t been able to close a new client in months. It took me three days to close a big one.

Sent CFO a quick mail, as I left the client. ‘First client bagged. Launching week 33. They use xxx amount of Money on this industry.’ Clean, to the point, and no ‘Oh my god, I did it, first client, yay!’. He called me 20 mins after, congratulating me, and we had a really good talk.

There is not a doubt in my mind, I’ll like it there. With time. And this first success, so quickly after starting up feels so sweet it’s unreal. I’ve proven what I can do, ObnoxiousSalesman can fuck the hell off and I’ll do my own thing.

But … I swear, Guys, this thing, changing jobs…? Much more unsettling than getting my divorce. I hope it doesn’t make me sound Cold, but that’s how it feels to me. Or maybe it’s just cause you forget how hard it was. But yesterday, as I wept in my car, I felt … alone. And I haven’t felt like that in the last 2 years, since I left my exhusband. It’s been HARD at times, I’ve cried when my bankaccount was fucked and so on, but yesterday I felt overwhelmed, inadequate and just really alone. Knowing there wasn’t someone at home to hug me and tell me I’ll be alright and spoon me till I slept, was brutal.

This was messy. And I’ve bombed the text with way too many commas. And this weird laptop scrambles the text with the Capital lettes. Sorry. If anyone knows why it does it, feel free to leave a comment.

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3 Responses to Mission: Unscramble brain.

  1. darlingdoll says:

    Oh my gosh I know how you feel! I felt so uncertain for the first few weeks at my new job, but I’m finally starting to get settled and not feel so stressed about the decision I made. New jobs are sooo stressful, you have a learning curve, although it sounds like yours is a short one, a proving period, all on top of getting to know a new set of people. You will be amazing, no doubt. And I think you’re right, Mr. Obnoxious is scared that you’ll show him up.

  2. darling, I want that hug! *steals big hug*
    And God yes, changing jobs is more stressful than I ever thought. I’m happy you’re getting settled in, and the stress is wearing off for you. I remember starting out in this industry, and sure, that was hard as well, but there’s so much on the line now… I feel better today though. At my desk today, I had this really nice feeling inside me. A calm, ‘This will be good, I’ll like it here’-feeling. -Everyone- is so nice to me there, aside from Mr. Dickwad with his little comments.
    Fuck him. The not fun way. I can do this, I f*cking know I can. But Goooooooood, I would love to have someone around in the house, keeping my shit together, when my head start scrambling again. lol

  3. Peregrine John says:

    You ok out there? Been a worryingly long while since we heard from you.

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