This would be where the beta is too strong, and I give up.

As most of you know, I’m divorced. From a sweet, sweet man, who just so happens to a beta. Beta plus…

Especially after we had kids, he changed dramatically. He’s a -good- person. Extremely helpful. A good friend. Someone who will drop what he’s doing and run to you, if you need help. But also extremely indecisive. Not able to say no. A pushover and not wanting to be the one who leads. All good, just not someone I want to be the woman of.

We’re good friends. We still eat sometimes with the children. He asks me loveadvice – like, a lot. I had a big talk with him some months back, after I met Mr. Alpha that I wrote about earlier, and tried to make him see the difference in a man who lapdogs and someone who’s confident. He sees it and he wants to be it, he wants me to teach him how to be, well, Alpha.

Needless to say, I’m prob not the best of mentor, since I’m all woman. But I can tell what I want in a man, and what went wrong between him and me. And he understands all of it, but he can’t put my words into action even though he wants to. He can’t change his behaviour, for some reason. He -knows- he push women away, but actually changing his ways? Noooo. Nuh-uh.

I’ve considered giving him dannyfrom504.wordpress.com’s link, cause he has some easily applied advice, but him finding my blog through it was too great a risk, and not one I was willing to take. I even considered going back and deleting some older entries where he’s mentioned, so I -could- actually give him the link, but ended up throwing the idea aside.

Last night I spoke to Danny on Skype, who said I could give him some text from there that was just copy/pasted thus not including the link, which was awesome of him. I do want exhusband to be happy with a great woman who can be a good wife to him. He’s really goodlooking and he’s really kind. So I’ve tried to help all I can.

Then tonight a comment of his turned up on my facebook feed. He commented on a picture of a woman he’s been seeing, who doesn’t want a relationsship with him, which -he- desperately wants with her.

And Ladies and Gentlemen, this is what he wrote to a picture she posted of herself:

“You’re godly beautiful, sweetie. Just the faboulous girl I want on my wedding picture. ❤ "

Just reading it, made me cringe. I so want him to be happy, 'cause that means my children will have a father with more energy and a happier spirit, but I think making him into an Alpha is a lost cause. Or should I succeed, I'll write a book and become a millionaire.

"Just the kind of faboulous girl I want on my weddingpicture ❤ " to a woman who doesn't want to be in a relationsship with him, and who -knows- he's desperately in love with him. Priceless, eh? :/

God, how I wish there was a beta antidote.

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11 Responses to This would be where the beta is too strong, and I give up.

  1. earl says:

    You can lead a horse to water….

    But I imagine there is something in his head that is gnawing at him…there is something inside telling him this isn’t working…there is a better way. It’s up to him to listen to the voice or continue to listen to the other one whispering pretty little lies.

    Anyway I found my antidote was finding new hobbies and getting good at them. I used to think about women all the time…now all I think about is getting stronger in the gym, punching a punching bag, working on my dancing footwork, getting better at my job, learning more about my faith, etc.

    • Yeah, he does know there’s another way. I did suggest to him to take some time out of the dating game, work on himself, find some hobbies, trying to become okay with being alone and not wanting to offer his whole kingdom to every woman he gets mildly involved with, but I think he just really wants someone by his side. Which I can understand, I’m getting to a point of starting to miss spooning and being someone’s woman, but I sure don’t want it with just anyone, and definitely not with a relation that offers more negative than positive in my life. Men! 😉

      (Yes, that was a joke, all you hardcore Alphas)

  2. Jai Dudge says:

    For the sake of him not finding you blog, and getting info from a source other than his ex: send him a book. Such as… No More Mr. Nice Guy.

  3. “Married Man Sex Life” should be everything he needs. Hell, the guy even published a new book that’s basically red pill in blue pill coating, if you think he can’t handle the shock.

  4. licker says:

    If you copypaste any post from danny´s blog, your ex husband could easily google it and find the original source.
    I don´t think he is going to change that much anyway (from beta to alpha). I mean sure, there is 5% of people willing to undergo the necessary changes in personality required, but for the remaining 95% such a adjustment is extremely painful and would require and enormous amount of energy. After all, your personality is defined as a kid and you would be messing with all the wiring built after a lot of years.

  5. snozzcumbers says:

    I have a question. Lets say he really does change, he becomes an “Alpha”
    in every sense of the word. Everything you disliked in him is now gone and he is finally backing up all that sweetness with being a proper man. Would you take him back?

    Also, good to have you back. Went off grid for a while there.

    Best wishes,

    Irfan.

  6. RojoC says:

    My statement here probably won’t yield much because there isn’t much anyone other than him can do, but he probably needs male friends with a better perspective and drive vis-a-vis this kind of thing. Then again, friends can only help so much. I’ve tried to influence friends to drop the beta pedestal bullshit. They haven’t listened and they’re still getting rejected or FZ’d.

  7. Dyad says:

    Is it possible that youre the one who turned him into a Beta in the first place? I mean, obviously in the past he was confident enough to get and impregnate YOU. But then something changed. Did you do some sort of permanent psychological damage to him?

    • Yes, I’m in fact a psychopath, who molested him.

      No, seriously speaking, I think we brought out the worst in each other, in a ‘under-the-water’ sort of way. We didn’t have screaming fights or anything along those lines, but we began in the middle somewhere, and along the years, and particularly and rapidly after we had kids, he moved towards Beta, and I moved towards red pill woman-with a Beta husband = strongwilled bitch.

      I never nagged. I never tried to control him or the marriage. But after having tried and tried to make him step up and be the patriarch of the family, I had to step up myself, for the kids and the family not to fall to pieces. I loathed doing it, though, I didn’t like that version of myself AT all. It made me really shortfused. It’s why I ended up divorcing at such a young age, and why people afterwards have commented on how gentle I’ve become.

      I will never, ever again end up in a relationship, where I have to fight with the man on getting to NOT be the patriarch. It’s just SO far from what I am.

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